One big difference I'm finding in my current placement is the amount of nurturing the children still need. There are so, so many students who just don't get the nurturing at home that they need and deserve. I think the same is true for 5th graders as well, but it looks very different at that age.
Last week one girl was having a really rough day that started before she even got to school. By Number Corner time she was falling apart. Among other things, the little girl was fidgeting with her hair, pulling the hair tie out and trying to put it back in, and generally distracting those around her. Instead of being frustrated with her, my mentor teacher took a few minutes out of the lesson to fix the girl's hair. She had the girl come up to the front and talked to the class about how much she loved braiding hair, while at the same time finger combing the girls hair and pulling it back into a nice braid. She had the girl go check her backpack for a barrette to pull the loose pieces out of her face. The whole thing took maybe five minutes tops, but it left the girl feeling much calmer. Her hair was out of her face and I think that little bit of contact and attention made a difference in her morning.
I tried it myself later in the day with a girl who is always a problem at quiet time. She pops up like a little ground-hog at the slightest noise. She regularly asks to go to the bathroom or get a drink or see the nurse. She wiggles and fidgets and tries to engage with the other kids while they are resting. She certainly isn't the only wiggly one at quiet time, but she is definitely a disruption. That day I asked her to lie down next to where I was sitting. I had a book to read, so I sat in one of the kindergarten chairs and rubbed her back while she was resting on the floor. If she started wiggling or popped her head up I stopped rubbing her back. I also had to stop sometimes to turn pages and make notes, but she stayed really calm during those times. I think it was the best quiet time she's had since I started in this classroom. I know she has a very difficult home life and she is one of many children in the home. I wonder how often she has someone run her back or brush her hair or give her any of the myriad forms of nurturing that children need.
In 5th grade there were also children who clearly needed a little TLC. Students who came to school in dirty clothes and unbrushed hair. Not all of the children, but certainly some. Unfortunately by that age they are less accepting of nurturing from others and it somehow seems less appropriate. There were several children who I wanted to fix their hair or rub their back or just give them a hug. Instead I stuck to brief shoulder and back pats and very positive language. Was that right, I don't know. My mentor teacher in that classroom was a man and not overly nurturing, but perhaps there are other upper elementary teachers who have figured out ways to provide nurturing to their students. Obviously a teacher cannot replace good parenting, but it's sad to see the students go by day after day and not do anything.
Thinking about this little girl whose back I rubbed, I know she will come back to me every day now and ask me to do it again. I probably will sometimes, but I'm also not sure how to balance that with all the other kids who could probably use the same attention. One little boy laying near her was watching us and I felt a bit guilty because I know about his home life and I know he could use every bit as much nurturing as she could.
Part of becoming a teacher, especially in the lower grades, is finding that balance between how much tenderness they need as children, and how much structure and discipline they need to become successful students. Also, knowing when they need firm guidance and when they just need their hair braided. There is certainly a lot of nuance in education!
PS. I don't mean to imply that braiding that girls hair changed her day entirely, just that it made a difference and was probably more effective then a discipline action at that point in time.
PPS. This is a cool article about a teacher who really cares about her students.
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